Grimsby is full of pieces of SHIT.

I'm so fucking torn between my new found toronto life, and my old grimsby life.

I have no job in toronto, and seriously no motivation to look for a new one, i don't want to live there anymore.

I fucking HATE it. i can't stand not having anyone remotely close to me.

That job did nothing for me, but cost me alot of money, and alot of stress.

It put my mom through alot of stress and everyone i know through alot of stress.

Being in grimsby, reminds me of how shitty people are.

this town is full of sluts, drugs, pizza and shitty friends.

grow up

In the words of a good friend,
'so let everybody love for once, let everybody laughso let everybody cry for once, in tears on behalfof feelin great' on feelin loveof feelin great' on feelin abovewe are friends, we are familywe are time, we are memories'
He knows exactly how to put feelings into words.
I have the best friends, and a lot of people say, oh yup, I've got the greatest friends, but really, no one and nothing can compare to my friends.
You meet the greatest people in your travels. And you don't have to travel very far to meet them.
20 mins away from Grimsby, I met the best group of kids. They're a lot like me, kind, gentle hearted, and genuine.
Putting others first, making you feel like you belong somewhere. Even if where you belong isn't great, at least you've got people there for you.
People that you can trust.
I have 4 people who truely stand out to me. Who I will go to for anything.
Kerri, dayn, maggie and cory.
Kerris like my sister, I can talk to her about anything, we can cry together and end up putting smiles on each others faces.
Dayn, he's been there with me, through so much. I can't ever thank him enough. I feel like I owe him everything. He's been there when everything felt like it was falling apart.
Maggie, mother maggie, she showed me recently that she will be there for me, if I am ever hurt, if I am ever sad, I can come to her and she will always be there.
And cory, I haven't known him long, but he is genuine, and I know I can trust him. I feel like I've known him for years, when really, its been months.
I can't thank anyone enough for the amount of genorocity they've shown and given me.
It blows my mind at the amount of shit someone will go through to see there friends happy. Completely blows me away.

My friends, are my family.
Through thick and thin.
To the moon and back.

autumn.

i feel so ugly today.

i also feel so old, like i'm worn out, torn up and useless.

the novelty of myself has gotten old.

i don't know what depression is, how it feels, but right now i feel really low.

i don't want to get older, i don't want to have to grow up. i've said it so many times that i want to grow up and get out.

but i realize being a teenager is the most fun.

i hate that my life can't revolve around having fun.

i fucking hate it.

i miss the novelty of birthdays.

the cheesy gift bags, unwrapping presents, crappy cards, blowing out candles..

my birthday list now consists of things i want for my house, like a grocery store gift card..

how fun.

i planned for this birthday to be so much better than it looks like it's going to turn out.

looks like i'll be driving myself around, not doing birthday shots, not wearing a brand new awesome birthday outfit...

i fucking hate birthdays.

as per usual.

A lot of things have happened since I last posted.
Kerri moved in finally, really wickid that she's finally here a lot of good times.
My moms treatment is almost done and over with, I'm really excited for her, this will all be over soon and she can go back to leading a happy life not having to worry about any sickness. I'm way too proud of her.
Going home on the weekends has really taught me and showed me how much my friends actually mean to me. Most of the time I thought everyone was against me, and didn't think of me as a friend anymore. But now going home and having my two best friends be there for me and want to hangout with me and give me these meaningful hugs, actually means to world to me.
This past weekend was thanksgiving, Saturday night was one of the best nights I've had in a while, a lot of new friends and some old friends, just down to party and hangout. There was no drama, no fighting, we all just got along really well and had a really good time.
Sunday though, Sunday was a really good night, we, being rob etherington, randy oc dobbin, cory dobbin, Joey da Silva, dayn fleet, robs girl, nathan myers, rob ZOmbie reid all say around 3 retarded candles, and thanked each other for one of the best thanksgivings ever. We all toasted to new friends and hookers and beer.
All I was really thankful for was new friends, but hey, whatever floats your boat right?

All in all, such a good weekend, I can't really put into words my excitement about the weekend, I really didn't want it to end. I get to see my boy tomorrow. I'm pretty excited about it.

Winter is most definitely here...I've had to pull out my winter jacket, and long Johns.

Oh, and the heat is finally on at the office. Thank god.

5 degrees

5 degrees in the office i work in.
It's seriously unliveable.
I have a bad, bad cold. But of course, it's the beginning of October.
Next cold i get will be before, or on my birthday. And then the worst one..
At Christmas.

My mom gave me really good advice the other day.
If you do not expect, you will not be disappointed.
From now on, I don't expect my friends to come see me and I don't expect them to think about me.
But when they do come see me, I will be surprised, and happy and if they don't i won't be disappointed.
I love my mom.

This is the first weekend i'll be in toronto, Kerri moves in !!
I'm so beyond excited. No more being lonely !
Cory, Randy and Nathan are supposed to come up, but as i just said, if i don't expect, i won't be disappointed.
I need a parka, because this is just ridiculous.

Work is going great, although....again, it's cold as tits.

Theres alot of things i wish would have happened in grimsby, are happening now that i live in toronto.
This would happen right !?

I'm trying to make a mental list of cool things i want to do this winter.
One being going to a hockey game ! I really want like, nosebleed seats, warm mittens, alot of friends and alot of beer.
Another is going tobagganing at christie pits. it'd be sooo cool.
Of course i want to party, But i really need to find good, winter party wear.
Is there even such a thing ? will i have to sacrifice warmth to look good ?!
Hopefully not. I really wish i could find NYLON in shoppers.....No where sells it anymore.
They always have really good fashion advice for all seasons.

It's time to put away my bathing suits, and take out my mittens and long johns.
Winter's here...and It's going to be a cold one.

rebelrebelrebel

The city inspires me, to be different, but the same.

Because as much as we all want to be unique, we are all the same.

We think the same, smoke the same, dress the same, talk the same.

A friend sent me a few but inspiring words, it really made my day.

Kerri moves in, in one week, i'm beyond excited.

grimsby..

so fuck you to whoever doubted me..
fuck who didn't believe in me..
fuck who thought i wouldn't go through with it..
fuck who said i was crazy to do this..
and fuck who ever thought i'd never get out of grimsby.

look at me now bitches. i'm out, and i love it.
finally moved, finally start my job, finally i can start over,
without bullshit, without shitty friends, and without drama.

i'm beyond excited. so fuck you.