autumn.

i feel so ugly today.

i also feel so old, like i'm worn out, torn up and useless.

the novelty of myself has gotten old.

i don't know what depression is, how it feels, but right now i feel really low.

i don't want to get older, i don't want to have to grow up. i've said it so many times that i want to grow up and get out.

but i realize being a teenager is the most fun.

i hate that my life can't revolve around having fun.

i fucking hate it.

i miss the novelty of birthdays.

the cheesy gift bags, unwrapping presents, crappy cards, blowing out candles..

my birthday list now consists of things i want for my house, like a grocery store gift card..

how fun.

i planned for this birthday to be so much better than it looks like it's going to turn out.

looks like i'll be driving myself around, not doing birthday shots, not wearing a brand new awesome birthday outfit...

i fucking hate birthdays.