autumn.

i feel so ugly today.

i also feel so old, like i'm worn out, torn up and useless.

the novelty of myself has gotten old.

i don't know what depression is, how it feels, but right now i feel really low.

i don't want to get older, i don't want to have to grow up. i've said it so many times that i want to grow up and get out.

but i realize being a teenager is the most fun.

i hate that my life can't revolve around having fun.

i fucking hate it.

i miss the novelty of birthdays.

the cheesy gift bags, unwrapping presents, crappy cards, blowing out candles..

my birthday list now consists of things i want for my house, like a grocery store gift card..

how fun.

i planned for this birthday to be so much better than it looks like it's going to turn out.

looks like i'll be driving myself around, not doing birthday shots, not wearing a brand new awesome birthday outfit...

i fucking hate birthdays.

as per usual.

A lot of things have happened since I last posted.
Kerri moved in finally, really wickid that she's finally here a lot of good times.
My moms treatment is almost done and over with, I'm really excited for her, this will all be over soon and she can go back to leading a happy life not having to worry about any sickness. I'm way too proud of her.
Going home on the weekends has really taught me and showed me how much my friends actually mean to me. Most of the time I thought everyone was against me, and didn't think of me as a friend anymore. But now going home and having my two best friends be there for me and want to hangout with me and give me these meaningful hugs, actually means to world to me.
This past weekend was thanksgiving, Saturday night was one of the best nights I've had in a while, a lot of new friends and some old friends, just down to party and hangout. There was no drama, no fighting, we all just got along really well and had a really good time.
Sunday though, Sunday was a really good night, we, being rob etherington, randy oc dobbin, cory dobbin, Joey da Silva, dayn fleet, robs girl, nathan myers, rob ZOmbie reid all say around 3 retarded candles, and thanked each other for one of the best thanksgivings ever. We all toasted to new friends and hookers and beer.
All I was really thankful for was new friends, but hey, whatever floats your boat right?

All in all, such a good weekend, I can't really put into words my excitement about the weekend, I really didn't want it to end. I get to see my boy tomorrow. I'm pretty excited about it.

Winter is most definitely here...I've had to pull out my winter jacket, and long Johns.

Oh, and the heat is finally on at the office. Thank god.

5 degrees

5 degrees in the office i work in.
It's seriously unliveable.
I have a bad, bad cold. But of course, it's the beginning of October.
Next cold i get will be before, or on my birthday. And then the worst one..
At Christmas.

My mom gave me really good advice the other day.
If you do not expect, you will not be disappointed.
From now on, I don't expect my friends to come see me and I don't expect them to think about me.
But when they do come see me, I will be surprised, and happy and if they don't i won't be disappointed.
I love my mom.

This is the first weekend i'll be in toronto, Kerri moves in !!
I'm so beyond excited. No more being lonely !
Cory, Randy and Nathan are supposed to come up, but as i just said, if i don't expect, i won't be disappointed.
I need a parka, because this is just ridiculous.

Work is going great, although....again, it's cold as tits.

Theres alot of things i wish would have happened in grimsby, are happening now that i live in toronto.
This would happen right !?

I'm trying to make a mental list of cool things i want to do this winter.
One being going to a hockey game ! I really want like, nosebleed seats, warm mittens, alot of friends and alot of beer.
Another is going tobagganing at christie pits. it'd be sooo cool.
Of course i want to party, But i really need to find good, winter party wear.
Is there even such a thing ? will i have to sacrifice warmth to look good ?!
Hopefully not. I really wish i could find NYLON in shoppers.....No where sells it anymore.
They always have really good fashion advice for all seasons.

It's time to put away my bathing suits, and take out my mittens and long johns.
Winter's here...and It's going to be a cold one.