I went there today. I got scared and left.

Should i be more scared for him ? 

I wish i could help him with life. But it seems like he wants no help.

It seem's like he like's it there. Just like in jail...he said it was a good experience.

At least he's positive...right ?

I still feel like it's my fault, like i made him that way, that i created his monster for him.

I guess i should look at this positively, at least he's somewhat safe.

Watching shows on tv about celebrity skinniness is really awkward, really....we actually don't give a fuck about these stupid people.

Last night was good though, it was pretty funny. silly gooses.

I have harvey's and i'm excited to eat it.

See ya on the flip siiide.

i'm now titling my posts.

Last night, was a ridiculous, fun-filled night, with drunken slurs, a lot of driving, a lot of cigarettes, meeting new people, and fun, as i said.

Dayn had a drink-off with my mom, she won.

Matt jessome has a new wifey.

I still don't have a boyfriend and am still bummed out by last week's events.

Niagara falls seemed a little more crowded due to the nice weather, which i'm excited about.

Dayn's new girly is the best person alive, as is matt's. I love them both to pieces.

Dayn and i strolled home at 2:30, only to find my dad, munchin out on wheatabix, playing with army men. 

He was chewed....haha oh dad.

This weekend was really good, I met a lot of people, experienced some awesome new things and again, was DD....

Time flies when your havin fun. (Y).

"Some people show off they're beauty, for the whole world to see. Others, hide they're beauty hoping people will see something else"

Wow, I'm so disappointed in last night.

It was NOT what i thought it would be.

Actually just a waste of my time.

I wish dayn was there so at least I could have not stood alone for a while.

Ugh. 

Today's a happy day.

Got my lisence back til June 3rd. 

Which means, I can finish school.

I won't be crying as often

I'll still have a life.

AND hot flashes is tonight.

Everything is hunky-dory.

I am beyond stoked.

I feel like absolute garbage. 

Really, absolute garbage

I want everything to be normal again.

Where i have a job, good friends, my lisence, that boy, and not a care in the world.

Why is march depressing ?

Reason's i should just die right now.

-my lisence is suspended for 60 days as of march 31st

-this means i won't be finishing school

-this means i won't be going anywhere

-this means i'm going to cry alot more

-this means my life fucking sucks right now.

I am so fucking sick and tired of school, i just want it to be over, so i can find a god damned job.

Gather enough money to get the FUCK out of this drug reliant town. I hate grimsby with a god damned passion.

First of all, there are absolutely NO jobs, and when there are ? they hire like 90 year olds that really DON'T need a job but because they can work full days. PISS OFF

I'm actually so upset, I have actually applied everywhere 4000000 times. and not one call, not one close call. FUCK grimsby. I fucking hate this town and everyone in it. 

I want a boy who will move far away with me, that doesn't give a shit about my mood swings, my bad habits or my eating patterns. I want to live far away and be happy and have a cute apartment.

But keep dreamin' right ?

Oh, and on my way to school, i would have to hit a fucking rabbit, i cried.

Then i get to school and forget to put milk in my fucking tea. 

Today can't actually get any worse. I haven't been to school in mayyybe, 2 weeks. I have exams soon i think. Like i don't even know when anything is. 

There's only one thing/person on my mind, and it's really starting to make me go crazy.

Fuck this. I'm fucking pissed.

I suck at picking boys.

More or less, i just suck..

I need him back in my life, right now. I might go crazy without him.

I need a boy to cuddle with and kiss and hold hands.

Ughughugh. 

Friday should be good. I'm very excited. (L)

New boy is supah cute. ;)

So i went to this intense 'punk' show last night.

I kinda wanted to shoot those punk kids, mostly cause they are so rowdy it's so ridiculous.

but.. up tha punx right ?!

Have heart was pretty intense so was trapped under ice. I have a huge bruise from some random fattie actually punching his way through the crowd and thinking my back was a punching bag.

Thanks bro.

Overall it was a good show :)

I finally feel not dead.

All i wanna do now is partay. 

Just kidding. I think if i did, i'd probably die.

My throat still kills. 

I don't actually know if i'm going to make it to class tomorrow, i still feel so weak and tired.

My mom gets her new car today, she's so stoked. 

I'm stoked to see it, it's probably so sexy.

Sweet. Lets party. Cobrasnake style.

I'm so sick. I have a fever, and i feel like dieing.

Of course my family comes over the weekend im sick. :(

I want friday to come !! I'm so excited. My posts are getting shorter.

Hopefully i'll feel better soon. Ugh.

Fuck my liiife.

Oh yah, holla cobrasnake ;)

I look like a goof. buuut it was such a good night !

My entire body's sore and i don't think i've ever seen as many asians in my life, as i did lastnight.

By the way, that's our new friend, Skye. I actually thought he was gay, turns out, he was just really, really high.

LOL, k. I haven't slept that much, goood night, thanks nicolee love you.

Hello good summer, your worth it this time. 

I'm makin' tacos, then going to get ready, then party, party party, in toronto :D

Finally =) i'm so excited. 

Brent, Nicole and Taylor are hopefully coming. I just need some money.

Ahh, Taco meat is burning. 

I don't know what to wear tonight. Oh god.

I actually am flipping tit's about what to wear tonight.

Tonight was fun :)

I've been hearing things and i can't help but wonder if it was my fault.

I've made it seem like i'm over it, but i'm not. And i won't be, for a long time. 

I just want to talk to him, see if he's okay. Our friendship meant alot and i really just want to talk to him. 

I feel like he needs someone to talk to, his friends are basically all gone and he's left with what ? nothing and nobody. 

I still feel like it's my fault. I've got this like, weight on my shoulders. I want to know why and just let him know i'm still here to talk and be a friend. 

Shitty shit. 

I can't believe it's snowing again. I'm very upset. 

I want summer right now, right this second. 

I need a massage, my eyebrows waxed, new favourite nail polish, a tan and toronto.

Oh, and a boy. 

I still need a job, Shoppers actually hates me. I really think they see my name and think, she doesn't need a job.

Like, what can i do ?! what else can i do, I'm so pissed.

I'm about to cry, like, I actually hate not having a job. Fuck.

I want to go to Cobrasnake tomorrow. 

Hot flashes is next weekend (L)

I'm so, so, so excited.  ;)

I really wish i had really, really long hair. 

Windsor is so fucking far, i actually didn't realize how far it was. 

4 and a half hours pretty much. 

I actually wanted to die on the way home, except it was the funnest ride home ever.

'Lonely roni' 'banana slushies' 'grape pinatas' stealing chairs, running 100 metre dash's, 'your laugh sounds like an ambulance' 'lemme slap you with my wet meat' giving dayn 5 bucks for making mikey laugh so hard.

Probably the best ride home, hands down.

Today should be another universal 'holiday' called "Hangover Day". 

Although i was not drunk for st. pat's day, I did drink enough sugary drinks to make me feel like i'm 100% hungover.

I'm actually still pissed off at last night, i got my phone and my id stolen, but after yelling and getting pissed, i got them back. because someone's an asshole.

Today's the day, Road trippin' to windsor ! =) 

Hopefully the car ride there won't be too awkward for the people in my car.....oh well, I made a sweet mix cd that should cheer anyone up.

Hopefully it's as nice in Windsor as it is here. I've been loving the weather lately, but not school.

I'm so upset at myself for having no motivation. I think it's because dayn's here. I just want school to be over so i can move out. 

I don't think my parents get that i want to move out, soon, like, this summer.

I still need a job, I'm going to apply at shoppers again. AGAIN. for the thousandth and two times.

Oh well, Time to go clean, then peacin' to windsor. 

Latahhh

"will you be mine?"

I want another peircing, I really want my double nostril, so bad.

It's st. patricks day, i wish i was still dancing at pubs :)

I miss it. but it's okay, i'm going to be a real, real, cheap drunk tonight. 5.50$ for a litre of vex.

Hehehe, Gotta go dinner time. 

I was really upset last night when i got home, i heard what happened and that's all i could think about for the entire night. I feel so bad. I hope everything will be fine, he's a strong person. I wish i could go see him and just talk.

As much as i feel like he's forgotten about me, there's still something in my mind that tells me he hasn't, and won't.

Buut, on a lighter note, I still have a cold, i need a shower and it's so nice outside.

I want to go to the beach =) maybe have a picnic. Or something cute.

I want to go to windsor SO bad. like, soo bad. 

Okay, shower time.

Driving makes me really sleepy.

I've had more hiccups today, than i have in the past year. what the FUCK !

My mom was reading my blog last night, and she goes 'these pictures aren't of you...' and i go 'duh'.

I'm so fucking sick. and all i want to do is sleep.

I want friday the 27th to come so i can party. =) hot flaaaashes.

I'm so excited to move out, i have to ask the bank about a loan. I hope cause my credit history's all cleaned out they'll lemme take out a a few thousand.

All i want is a nice-ish apartment, a bedroom that has nice painted walls that i can draw on, a bed that i can lie in and be comfy and warm and have people over and watch movies and cuddle.

FUCK. get me out of this town.

Last night i was actually thinking about dying my hair blonde. platinum blonde.

Then i decided that it was a terrible idea and that i'm an idiot.

Today should be normal. i hate when things are normal.

I actually really hope it's super warm.

I had a really weird/bad dream about my mom actually lashing out and like speaking her mind and telling me all these crazy things about how horrible i am and what a shitty daughter i am. and i woke up crying.  and we were at a gradutation of some sort. it sucked. i think i'm going to go make breakfast =)

I have a headache. 

I need a job. 

I really, really want to drive to winsdor.

I think my mom's situation is really bothering her and i feel bad for getting mad 'at' her all the time. which is totally my fault because i did bring my best friend to our house and have been 'fucking around' for the past like, 2 and a half weeks. 

March break is just really a time to hangout and do fun things. I wish i didn't have school to attend or else it'd be easier for me to look for jobs surrounding niagara that are...local, per say.

I'd like to work at shoppers, but i've put my resume in a thousand and one time's and they never seem to like/read my resume apparently. 

I'd also like to work at a clothing store, but i'm not sure how that'd turn out. 

I want to work at the post office again, as bad and lame as it sounds. it was a really good job.

My ears are ringing like NO tomorrow, I saw kingdom's though, and that's all i really went for.

My keys almost got locked in my car, no...both sets of keys almost did.

Luckily i'm an idiot and didn't lock my car. thank god st. catharines isn't as sketchy as it seems and no one looks in cars to see if they're open. sweet (Y)

Some of my aquantences are really, really huge dicks. I mean, help a brother out, no matter what. 

It bothers me that these kids beg, and whine about not being able to get merch and have 20 bucks to spare, when there's kids outside asking for a few bucks to spare. 

School tomorrow should be alright, i guess. Success strategies doesn't sound appealing...does it ?

I need to go to most/all of my classes this week. i've been slacking SO much and i'm beginning to feel fucking terrible.

Anyways, i'm tired and need to go to bed. 

Last night, i drove to orangeville, and in my entire 1 and a half years of driving, it was the nicest, calmest and most fun i've had driving anywhere. The town, the people and the feel was just nice. I need to go on more road trips/ get a new job so i can afford to go on them. Hopefully i get to drive to Windsor on wednesday to see FNF play again. They were really, really good, and brandon did an amazing job at his first show =) Windsor seem's like it'd be a really fun drive and an awesome experience.  I was running on 4 and a half hours of sleep yesterday, i'm surprised i even made it home. I'll probably end up posting again, sometime in the near future. lately i've had so much on my mind....mostly those 2 boys...ugh.

I really, really, really need to start doing something with my entire wardrobe.

Being up all night made me think alot. about how small this universe is, how small we are, how small my life is.

I need to grow up, get out and restart. 

Fuck, i've been living in this town way too long. 

I wanna be your girl. ;)

I really ended up realizing that i love going to bars. 

I need to be more experimental with clothing, good thing summers fast approaching.

I need to start looking at places in toronto because i know they'll be going so fast. 

Also, i need roomates. :)

Hopefully hanna is interested.