Grimsby is full of pieces of SHIT.

I'm so fucking torn between my new found toronto life, and my old grimsby life.

I have no job in toronto, and seriously no motivation to look for a new one, i don't want to live there anymore.

I fucking HATE it. i can't stand not having anyone remotely close to me.

That job did nothing for me, but cost me alot of money, and alot of stress.

It put my mom through alot of stress and everyone i know through alot of stress.

Being in grimsby, reminds me of how shitty people are.

this town is full of sluts, drugs, pizza and shitty friends.

grow up

In the words of a good friend,
'so let everybody love for once, let everybody laughso let everybody cry for once, in tears on behalfof feelin great' on feelin loveof feelin great' on feelin abovewe are friends, we are familywe are time, we are memories'
He knows exactly how to put feelings into words.
I have the best friends, and a lot of people say, oh yup, I've got the greatest friends, but really, no one and nothing can compare to my friends.
You meet the greatest people in your travels. And you don't have to travel very far to meet them.
20 mins away from Grimsby, I met the best group of kids. They're a lot like me, kind, gentle hearted, and genuine.
Putting others first, making you feel like you belong somewhere. Even if where you belong isn't great, at least you've got people there for you.
People that you can trust.
I have 4 people who truely stand out to me. Who I will go to for anything.
Kerri, dayn, maggie and cory.
Kerris like my sister, I can talk to her about anything, we can cry together and end up putting smiles on each others faces.
Dayn, he's been there with me, through so much. I can't ever thank him enough. I feel like I owe him everything. He's been there when everything felt like it was falling apart.
Maggie, mother maggie, she showed me recently that she will be there for me, if I am ever hurt, if I am ever sad, I can come to her and she will always be there.
And cory, I haven't known him long, but he is genuine, and I know I can trust him. I feel like I've known him for years, when really, its been months.
I can't thank anyone enough for the amount of genorocity they've shown and given me.
It blows my mind at the amount of shit someone will go through to see there friends happy. Completely blows me away.

My friends, are my family.
Through thick and thin.
To the moon and back.

autumn.

i feel so ugly today.

i also feel so old, like i'm worn out, torn up and useless.

the novelty of myself has gotten old.

i don't know what depression is, how it feels, but right now i feel really low.

i don't want to get older, i don't want to have to grow up. i've said it so many times that i want to grow up and get out.

but i realize being a teenager is the most fun.

i hate that my life can't revolve around having fun.

i fucking hate it.

i miss the novelty of birthdays.

the cheesy gift bags, unwrapping presents, crappy cards, blowing out candles..

my birthday list now consists of things i want for my house, like a grocery store gift card..

how fun.

i planned for this birthday to be so much better than it looks like it's going to turn out.

looks like i'll be driving myself around, not doing birthday shots, not wearing a brand new awesome birthday outfit...

i fucking hate birthdays.

as per usual.

A lot of things have happened since I last posted.
Kerri moved in finally, really wickid that she's finally here a lot of good times.
My moms treatment is almost done and over with, I'm really excited for her, this will all be over soon and she can go back to leading a happy life not having to worry about any sickness. I'm way too proud of her.
Going home on the weekends has really taught me and showed me how much my friends actually mean to me. Most of the time I thought everyone was against me, and didn't think of me as a friend anymore. But now going home and having my two best friends be there for me and want to hangout with me and give me these meaningful hugs, actually means to world to me.
This past weekend was thanksgiving, Saturday night was one of the best nights I've had in a while, a lot of new friends and some old friends, just down to party and hangout. There was no drama, no fighting, we all just got along really well and had a really good time.
Sunday though, Sunday was a really good night, we, being rob etherington, randy oc dobbin, cory dobbin, Joey da Silva, dayn fleet, robs girl, nathan myers, rob ZOmbie reid all say around 3 retarded candles, and thanked each other for one of the best thanksgivings ever. We all toasted to new friends and hookers and beer.
All I was really thankful for was new friends, but hey, whatever floats your boat right?

All in all, such a good weekend, I can't really put into words my excitement about the weekend, I really didn't want it to end. I get to see my boy tomorrow. I'm pretty excited about it.

Winter is most definitely here...I've had to pull out my winter jacket, and long Johns.

Oh, and the heat is finally on at the office. Thank god.

5 degrees

5 degrees in the office i work in.
It's seriously unliveable.
I have a bad, bad cold. But of course, it's the beginning of October.
Next cold i get will be before, or on my birthday. And then the worst one..
At Christmas.

My mom gave me really good advice the other day.
If you do not expect, you will not be disappointed.
From now on, I don't expect my friends to come see me and I don't expect them to think about me.
But when they do come see me, I will be surprised, and happy and if they don't i won't be disappointed.
I love my mom.

This is the first weekend i'll be in toronto, Kerri moves in !!
I'm so beyond excited. No more being lonely !
Cory, Randy and Nathan are supposed to come up, but as i just said, if i don't expect, i won't be disappointed.
I need a parka, because this is just ridiculous.

Work is going great, although....again, it's cold as tits.

Theres alot of things i wish would have happened in grimsby, are happening now that i live in toronto.
This would happen right !?

I'm trying to make a mental list of cool things i want to do this winter.
One being going to a hockey game ! I really want like, nosebleed seats, warm mittens, alot of friends and alot of beer.
Another is going tobagganing at christie pits. it'd be sooo cool.
Of course i want to party, But i really need to find good, winter party wear.
Is there even such a thing ? will i have to sacrifice warmth to look good ?!
Hopefully not. I really wish i could find NYLON in shoppers.....No where sells it anymore.
They always have really good fashion advice for all seasons.

It's time to put away my bathing suits, and take out my mittens and long johns.
Winter's here...and It's going to be a cold one.

rebelrebelrebel

The city inspires me, to be different, but the same.

Because as much as we all want to be unique, we are all the same.

We think the same, smoke the same, dress the same, talk the same.

A friend sent me a few but inspiring words, it really made my day.

Kerri moves in, in one week, i'm beyond excited.

grimsby..

so fuck you to whoever doubted me..
fuck who didn't believe in me..
fuck who thought i wouldn't go through with it..
fuck who said i was crazy to do this..
and fuck who ever thought i'd never get out of grimsby.

look at me now bitches. i'm out, and i love it.
finally moved, finally start my job, finally i can start over,
without bullshit, without shitty friends, and without drama.

i'm beyond excited. so fuck you.

let me stand next to your fire.

I start working on tuesday, this is big guys..

this means i'm actually moving, this means i'm starting my life.

this means i'm going to have to pay rent, buy food, save my money, work a typical 9-5 job.

i'm going to be one of the million people getting on the 7:30 subway to make it to work on time because of all the traffic.

i'm going to be a ratio.

i'm going to be living by myself til october 1st.

i hope i don't flip out, i hope i'm not homesick.

i hope my friends come see me, and visit, and are able to grasp i can't party on weeknights anymore.

i'm going to have to find something to do with my 'spare' time.

maybe i'll start a new hobby. that doesn't require you to pay, because as we all know... i'll have no extra money.

god damn. i'm going to need to stop myself from so many things.

i hope i can do it.

i need alot more motivation than i have now.

i wish my friends were more helpful...

9 days is going to seem like eternity..

I got the job !

I'm overly excited about the next few days !

Watching Atonement is making me realize love never dies.

I think the real, true reason i'm moving, is because i want to start over.

Start over fresh, without anyone in my mind and no one in my heart.

It's going to be so hard, and i'm going to hate it and i'm going to miss him.

But i can't keep doing this to myself.

Change makes you better, and i'm so ready for it.

Tell me i can't, and i will prove you wrong.

Tell me i'm crazy and i will agree.

I'm so ready to move, so ready for my new life.

okay honestly...

girls in this god damned town are too fucking ridiculous.

take a look around you. there's nothing and no body. if you don't get out and realize there's an entire world waiting for you, you're going to be stuck here, forever.

you cry about the most ridiculous things, i mean, there are other things to be worried about.

i'm beyond excited to leave and meet some real people and create real friendships, friendships not based on looks or money. i'm so sick of everyone being so immature and fucked up.

if anyone moved from a big city, to our small town, they'd be disgusted at the amount of drama we, ourselves create.

it's dog-eat-dog in this town, and i'm so fucking excited to get away from it.

sure i'll miss some people, sure i'll miss my family and friends.

but i sure as hell, won't miss the amount of drama in this town.

i hate the amount of immaturity here. there's so many other things we as teenagers could be doing.

people rely on the smallest of things here, everyone is all talk.

all talk and no doing. if you say your going to get out, get out now. do it while you still can, while your parents still think your a silly teenager who doesn't know what you want with life.

i wish i did, i wish i got out when i was 18 and didn't know what i wanted.

i still don't, i'm 20, but at least now i can figure things out for myself, lead my own life, have my own responsibilities.

theres going to be no one telling me what i can and cannot do.

theres nothing in this town for me, and i'm so fucking glad i'm leaving.

lets get cute.

I'm officially tattooed.

It really hurt. like, soo bad.

I'm moving on september 15th, and am actually so scared and nervous.

I got a call from one of the insurance companys today, my interview's on monday :)

Hopefully things work out. It'd be such a sweet, sweet job.

Blink's on sunday, i'm way to pumped.

So many good things happening :)

im learning to breathe again on my own.

I'd really like October to come now.

Kerri and I are moving in October 1st.

Which means i have about 2 and a half months to find a job and save money.

I'm looking in Toronto, absolutely everywhere. I just want to get some luck one day and get it.

I love when parents say i can't.

It makes me say I will and prove you wrong.

=)

Well, my tattoo is booked, august 20th.

I'm getting a breast cancer ribbon for my mom, it'll probably be on the back of my neck.

Dayn's getting one also, on the back of his calf.

She started chemo today, I was really upset this morning.

But i have to look at it in a positive way and look at it as the cancer will never come back.

Moving by september :) i'm really excited to start life with one of my best friends.

Wahoo !

Well, these past like, 3 weeks have been INSANE.

So much partying, not enough sleep, so much beer, babes, cigarettes and friends.

Everything seems like it's coming together QUITE nicely.

I love making new friends, driving home at 6-7 am, all nighters, 'kitacy', guitar hero..

TIMMAY.

I'm lovin life.

Also, looking forward to;

1. Wednesday night ritual @sneakydees

2. LMFAO @zubar (thursday)

3. Tristans party @niagarafalls (saturday)

4. Crookers @toronto (aug5)

5. Steve Aoki @hamilton-toronto (aug6)

6. Wrongbar @toronto (manymanysaturdays)

7. BLINK 182 @TORONTO (L)(L) (aug23)

Stoked on my life, having a job, and moving soon. yesss.

movie list

Movie's I need to see;
-Scrooge (with jim carey as scrooge)
-The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassu (with the late, heath ledger)
-Coraline in 3D.
-Transformers; Revenge of the fallen
-Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince
-Toy Story in 3D
-UP
-Year One (jack black and michael cera ? stoked.)
-Ice Age ; dawn of the dinosaurs
-2012
-Slumdog Millionaire
-MILK
-All 3 highschool musicals...everytime i watch the first one i fall asleep.
-Zach and Miri make a porno
-The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
-Funny People
-The Soloist
-Whatever Works

Summer time ;)

' everything will be okay in the end; if it's not okay, it's not the end '

He's home ! Everything's going to be okay. 

This summer will be really, really wickid. 

It's already started to rule.

Looking forward to Cobrasnake tonight, Steve aoki, crookers, crystal castles.

Whoop !

H&M interview went pretty well.

I'm pretty stoked. 

Everything is okay.

summer

Summer's already began, we haven't had too much good weather either.

Theres been alot of ups, but way more downs.

I've been so stressed lately, with everything, not having a job is probably the worst downer ever.

There's been alot of good news, but alot of bad news.

I just want to get away, I need to go to my cottage really soon.

depression out.

I basically have THE best friends on the face of this planet.

Tonight went from being so shitty (see below) to being so so good.

Thanks to a few of my bests, good talks, and wickid laughs. 

This is going to be an awesome summer.

depression sets in

Well, this is when depression sets in,

my friends all now have theyre lisences, meaning they don't need me anymore as a friend/taxi/buyer of smokes/booze, whatever.

I just feel so secluded and torn and washed out.

Hopefully with this job, i'll get some money under my belt and hopefully be able to move, i mean why should i be in grimsby ? there's nothing for me, no one for me. 

My 'friends' don't need me, don't really care about me anymore. Honestly, they all have cars now, they can get places on there own. 

I just want to cry. or move, moving would be cool.

I just need to get out of this boring town, move somewhere and start something new. 

I want to be 18 again, have him to hangout with, be able to have someone tell me i'm worth it, worth sticking around for.

That's another thing, I like helping people out, i really like knowing i'm doing something good for someone. I hate to see people depressed. I like making people happy, seeing people smile because of something i did or helped out with. 

Fuck, depression hurts.

I want things to be how they used too. 

I want you to come home and for you to be safe.

I want you to realise you have a life here, someone to fall back on.

Dad's 50th was good, I got pretty drunk. 

Interview went well, They haven't called yet, I'm pretty upset about it. 

Oh well.

yay !

Well, Interview at American Eagle on sunday at 9:30 am.

Very excited. Hopefully this works out. 

I'm excited for this weekend, Tyler's coming down, and all my friends are going to be there.

Dad's 50th should be one for the books. 

Oh; All my hair is gone. well, not really, just 4 and a half inches. 

It's pretty short, i'm still getting used to it. 

Yay.

my first paycheque...

..If and when i get a job, god damnit.

this recession has got to go. i mean really...

if i want to make this summer as memorable as the past 2 have been, i really, really need to get a job.

and even with a job, how am i supposed to have fun living in this shithole town.

come on here...i've been working my ass off trying to find work to do. and nothing.

it's all bullshit.

but what i am stoked on isssss,

blink in august (YESYESYES)

some scenefest, toronto trips, wonderland trips and friends.

dad's 50th this saturday, should be a wonderful and fun-filled day/night.

hoping and wishing....  :)

i miss recess.

Last night was really fun. 

Met up with tyler and got pizza, way too much pizza though.

We watched 3 movies i haven't seen,  Where the buffalo roam; the sequel to fear and loathing in las vegas, it was good but can't compare to the actual one.

The Royal Tenenbaums was hilarious and it'd be hilarious if my life was like that.

The Big lebowski was just awesome. 

It was such a fun night, just hanging out, cuddlin, laughing.

His entire wall unit fell out of the wall, causing the clothes to like, shoot out of it, and now it's a mountain of clothes, ontop of another mountain.

Poor guy. Glad i went to hangout, i really needed it.

of course.

Of course i fuck things up, again. 

I need to get the fuck out of this town, away from stupid drama, and fucked up people.

Way too many things are holding me back, Why can't things be different

I wish i could go back, and change what i did and didn't do, change people that influenced my life, change for the better.

I give and give and get nothing in return.

I hate crying fits, thinking too much, and fucking up.

busy p what the fuck !

Well, This week's been interesting.

Busy P was AMAZING, so many laughs and fun times.

Found a new bar to go to when kelly and kerri and i move to toronto, the cadillac lounge.

What an awesome bar.

Mom's going away this weekend, STOKED.

Lets get sloppy.

Hot flashes tomorrow, Saturday bonfires at my house, sunday chills :)

Oh, i love how i made a fucking fool of myself, i'm so awesome sometimes.

Seriously, tell me not to be a wuss next time. 

I also miss care bears, "Sunshine bear"

bye pup.

Today's a sad day, we have to put my pup down. 

He's not a pup anymore, he can't walk, has badass arthritis in his hips. 

My dad's really upset, seeing him like that is so heartbreaking.

Hopefully my friends will cheer me up, they usually tend too anyways, even when i'm in a horrible mood. 

It's super, super nice out today, like, hot...but all i want to do is lay on the beach drinkin ice cold lemonade. 

Speaking of lemonade....I didn't have any.

Only fruitpunch.

I hate applying online. It fucking sucks.

good morning summer.

Hello Summer, Goodbye Spring.

Hello tanning, long nights, job-finding, cigarettes, whisky, music and friends.

This weekend was probably one of the greatest yet, long weekends always seem to satisfy.

A lot of funny inside jokes, hanging out at the jamspace, driving and laughs.

I'm so excited about this summer, but I really need a job. Recession can lick my balls.

I'm going outside, it's way to nice to be in.

what the hell am i doing ?

For some reason, he gets to me. 

For some reason, i like it.

Kelly and I went tanning for my first time, I was super scared, and the scene in final destination where they both die in tanning booths was repeating itself in my head. Super cool.

I really want to go again, The woman at the tanning place put me in for 10 minutes, and i only got burnt in certain spots, like around my belly button ? and my knees, and right where my throat hits my collar bones......I really don't know what it's called.

Last night was really fun, We tried to pull an all nighter, it was a huge epic fail. 

I had a mickey of whisky, and they drank it. 

It's okay, cause at least they asked me.

Singing along to brand new, half cuddling, being completely cript-tor, and sun rises.

Super cute ;)

Bad taste in my mouth

I really fucking hate when I fuck up and people know it.

I hate what i did, and feel so fucking bad.

Tonight was full of laughs.

Although dayn stayed home, which was weird.

"At least the chief's still partying, that's a good sign''

Thanks rob.

Also, I hate that i'm not in any pictures when we have picture nights.

I'm never in them...It's almost like i'm never there and i'm just the driver.

:(

Also, went to new hamilton skate park today, wickid park, cute fucking boys, and sweet set up..

Saw Nick k! which was a treat cause i forgot how much of a babe he is and i realized i was a fucking idiot for breaking up with him.....good one vanessa.

Hmm.. Mind's a-wandering.

Good day though, it was solid.

pineapple express

So, my phone is completely done, fuck.....i'm pissed.

These past few days, i've liked hanging out, my friends are being nice to each other, and the weathers nice and i'm excited for things coming up :)

I wish i had a damn job, what the fuck is with this recession shit, give me a job. PLEASE.

I've actually been trying so hard, but obviously not enough.

Fuck shit.

The girl in pineapple express looks like a girl i know, Weird....

the butter experience

So, tonight was really fun.

Hungout at my place, with my friends and parents friends. 

Volunteering tomorrow will be an experience and a half.

Ugh @ the giant thunderstorm...what the hell ?!

Bed. Goodnight.

(L)

Yesterday was fun, Toronto with some sexy ladies, and my boys. 

Went to see paul at the apartment. 

I actually melted then died. It's gorgeous, actually, ferociously gorgeous.

I'm so excited to get things started, Kelly and i are looking to get a 2 bedroom with a den maybe for kerri to stay in, or just have a pullout couch or something. If we're thinking correctly, it'll be like, 530.oo/month. Which is super cheap.

I'm so excited. 

Last night was also, interesting, We found out a friend of a friend died, he was in grade 11. Super sad :(

And, just sayin, if you know your going to get knocked out, i wouldn't be laughing...

Stoked on life (Y)

silversun pickups

Lazy Eye, by the silversun pickup's seems to be the weekend song :)

This weekend was amazing (Y)

Thursday I went to strangelove for nicoles birthday, Kelly and I met a new boy named "Rameeze' with a 'z'...and he bought us drinks, and then met the infamous ....'jdoc' not impressed.

Dayn pulled a douchebag trick on me and so i was mad, but i went back to the partay and danced my face off. 

Then kelly was like 'im leavin' and im like 'okay..' so i left too.

Friday, was fred and matt's birthday. It was suh fun :D everything worked out and i was happy to see everyone drunk and having a good time.

Saturday, we woke up, and went to toronto for marijuana march ! It rained a bit, which sucked, but otherwise, it was SO awesome.  Such a cool experience, everyone was so chill and so intensely high. Went to smoke a session with allie and then peaced home.  Back at freds, josh had a bad headache, so we decided, we were going to take a nap. 9 rolls around and we head to franks. What a good party !  Alot of people, alot of booze, alot of sloppiness.

Cops showed up because of a noise complaint due to FNF playing in franks backyard. Good times. 

I got so stoned yesterday and actually loved every minute of it. I was not bummed at all, until rob asks me in a drunken state to makeout and i denied him and he got mad.

But...making out with 15 yr olds is okay....

He got poison ivy....LOL.

Overall a really good weekend, and Today is sunny, and warm and just a really good day to end this amazing weekend (Y)

liar.

So that's what you call a getaway,

what the hell did you get away with ?

So, tell me he didn't just comment on that sluts picture. of course.

I'd like to curl up and die and wish i'd never lurked his stupid profile anyways.

I do wish he was sitting beside my on my couch though, that'd be cute. 

What was that night ? apparently it was nothing to him. I'm such a nice person and don't get anything in return. 

Thanks...maybe this is karma kicking my ass, yet again.

So, i'm not moving now. i'm so bummed about it, I really hope i can find a cute apartment, or live with my aunt or something.

Not moving in with you, could open up a world of possibilities. 

Possibilities i really, really like.

2 fish.

I miss this day.

I'm going to toronto today, This weekend was fun filled.

Friday was gorgeous, Sunny and hot. Brodown/hotflashes was also that night.

Bro down, was so disappointing, but hot flashes on the other hand. 

Oh my dear, It was super fun and I finally met paul. And got really drunk.

Saturday was sunny, until it rained, we hung out with alison and a bunch of people, then went to kelly's for her Candlelight party. =)

Yesterday we went to the fair, and we went lazertagging ! How exciting !

This was a really fun weekend. 

I miss decadence.

momma (L)

Mom's surgery went well, she's hopped up on morphene and is just tired.

She's a trooper and will be fine :)

Last night was good, he stayed at my house and we cuddled and watched tv today.

I miss him and wish he was still in my life, no matter what anyone says. 

He's a good person and he really means well.

He's been through tough, tough shit and i just wish i was there by his side again.

He needs someone stable in his life. 

''do i still love you?" 'i don't know, do you?'

that was the cutest thing of life. 

ugh, i miss him (L)

merry 420.

LOL flight of the conchords, are actually so hilarious.

So jealous they're playing tomorrow and the next day in Toronto. 

WISH i could go see them. 

It's 420, it's been a year with my septum. :)

So excited on not smoking weed today...Excited on the new apartment. 

Hopefully I'll be moving in the second or third week of may, that's what i'm hoping. 

Ugh, i really want to move. It's all i think about. 

Gotta go take a creamy fall toke.

jkz.

waterloo.

It was so good seeing old friends, and enjoying myself, having drinks for once.

I'm glad he came, we talked, figured some things out. 

I want to help him, I wish he would listen and take offers. 

Im glad he stayed up there though, Maybe they can talk some sense into him. 

What a good night.

spring time.

It's spring time ladies and gentlemen.

I'm beyond excited for spring / summer. 

I can't wait, I really hope i get to move.

There's not much mom can do about it other than not give me money.

But i mean, when i get my tax return... ;)

Stoked.

look at my heart and unbreak broken.

Today, was the most gorgeous day. 

We almost had an accident...but luckily he's alright :)

Hanging out with kerri and kelly, such fun times. 

"boom dee yatta"

It was a fun day all around, chilled at the barn, waterfall, crashed a quarry party, got fish and chips. 

I'm going to waterloo tomorrow, I'm very, very excited. 

I miss everyone there, so so so much. 

Stoked i didn't spend 20 dollars to see emmure.. i've seen them once, don't have to see them again.

I really hope i get to move to toronto with paul. He's a really nice dude from what i've learned.

I haven't met him yet, but will at hot flashes.

Oh, hot flashes....hopefully this time will be better than the last. 

ughughugh. 

Tonight was full of hilarious times, seeing people i haven't seen in a while. 

Stoked on the warm weather :)

toronto

The only fucking thing stopping me from moving is my fucking money situation.

Fuck the resession, fuck not having a job, fuck canada post.

The place that I could possibly be living in, is gorgeous, cheap for what it is, sexy and high up.

It's everything i could have ever wanted in an apartment.

Aside from not having a closing door, but you know what, i'll fucking deal with it.

This place is amazing, I just want school to be over, for my tax return to come in and for me to gtfo of grimsby.

sex and the city

I've come to the conclusion.

I'm going to get married in a library, a big, open library, with thousands upon thousands of books.

Why, because that's where all the great love stories are held, and i want mine to be added.

I'm watching sex and the city, thinking about what i'm doing with my life, also thinking about getting married.

Marriage is a really funny thought, and an awkward thought.

I think i'm going to be the first out of all my cousins to get married, i think.

"marriage ruins everything"

Oh god.

easter festivities.

It's easter. Gotta go to nonna's today, just to eat some fantastic lasanga that only happens twice a year.

It's that good... it can only be made twice a year. lol.

Last night we saw haunting in connecticut, i couldn't sleep a little.

It wasn't as scary as i thought, it was just kinda gross and disturbing..and like, it kinda freaked me out how it was based on true events. FUCK THAT.

I wanna cuddle with tha boy, I miss the other boy, alot. 

I feel bad i keep ditching him, i mean it's not my fault but like, It's upsetting.

Dayn and i are getting ready, probably hanging out with matt and vic later ! 

See yuh !

epic

Well, last night blew my mind completely.

Partying all night was the cherry on top to my week. 

Partying with Amanda, Kerri, Maddie, Reiner, Spencer and George was pretty sweet, i miss those guys.

All i really want to do is sleep right now, and eat.

Mom's making a big dinner tonight. (Y) pretty excited !

I'm going to nap. See yuh !

Schnitzel.

Tonight's hockey game was full of fun. 

Grimsby beat Germany.

Thats right....Germany came all the way..to get their asses owned by none other than ... grimsby.

Uh.. fuck yeah ?

I'm currently excited for mstrkrft on thursday, should be a shitshow, all depending on weather 'cabinhat' gets us on guestlist.

Apparently his credibility is a little low......oh well, if not, amanda and i can hang in toronto. or just pay 30 bucks for advance tickets and party party party !

Mom's situation took a turn for the worst. 

I was pretty upset today and thankfully all my friends are there for me and i love them.

She was just taking it all in today, seeing my mom cry is like, the worst thing ever.

Oh, i tried to make perogies today...epic fail. 

Today was weird, i was supposed to go see him, but due to the circumstances of today i had to rescheduale. 

My mom really wants to help dayn out with his portfolio, so we're going to her friends show at some bar in hamilton and he's going to take pictures. 

My mom said I could go stay with my aunt and look for job's in toronto, if i get a job, my nana said she'd back me in getting an apartment. 

How stoked am i? 

=)

Things are looking up. 

"22 ya plug"

gloomy day

Today's real gloomy, I'm not excited, I had to clean my car off.

What the FUCK. It's april....i mean come on.

Mom finds out test results today.

Only thing that's on my mind right now. ugh.

goldmember

This weekends event's were...different, but super fun and awesome.

A day to remember was beyond amazing. I don't usually go nuts at shows, but, I kind of did.

It was so fun hanging with maggie, kerri, and kelly. 

I'm currently watching goldmember. What a hilarious movie. 

I think today's going to be a lazy day. It's so rainy and gross out. 

I'm pretty sore today. Crazy push moshers...

"Shat on a turtle!"

what ?

Are you actually serious right now ?

I love the feeling of being used.

Fuck you.

If you were to sing me city & colour, kiss my nose, and ask me to marry you,

I might die of happiness.

the long face.

Last night, was really fun, I met more new people and partied with my best frands.

Super excited. There's so much going on this weekend, and so many people's birthdays !

At kelly's last night, i was....the only sober one. ugh@mylife.

There are a bunch of sweet pictures and hilarious inside jokes.

Matt's playing Wii and has a hangover, what's new though right ?

Needs is having a party tonight, as is beth. I'll probably end up going to both, just showin my face around town.

I'm supposed to go to absinthe tonight, but i don't know how that's going to turn out. I have no money. 

Getting home at 10 to 7 on friday morning, really messed my sleep patterns up. Ugh.

new friends.

Well, last night made up for my shitty time at hot flashes.

So fun :) I met alot of new people and got to hangout with one's i haven't seen in forever. (KENNY !!)

Surprisingly i got hammered. 

Cuddlin' with tha boy was supah cute. ;) 

This weekend should be full of fun-filled, drunken slurs and laughs. 

Kelly's tonight, Absinthe saturday, and Toronto on sunday for ADTR.

Pretty unstoked on my money situation though, FUCK shit.

I feel like a bag of crap today. I need a greasy pizza with lots of cheese and dipping sauce.

unibrow

I don't know why i was so bummed today.

I got called emo.

What the fuck ?! who the fuck still calls people that.

School was a waste of time and i was just pissed the entire time.

I want a new car...mine is going to shit.

I forget what i was going to write.....

negative nancy

Okay, so, we're all at ally's, just hangin, and obviously someone has to say something the wrong way...and obviously since both of the boy's 'reputation' is gigantic, they've gotta keep it that way, and start chirping each other. 

I mean really ? were they ever taught to just ignore..?

Anyways. that pissed me off.

Yesterday was really fun and it turned out to be a beautiful day, I was really excited to go, and woke up to rain. Around 12 the sun was out and shining ! We head to value village for a monthly update on vintage's. 

Then go straight to toronto. Surprisingly it wasn't that busy and the traffic seemed minimal. 

We hung around toronto, paid for some parking, smoked alot of cigarettes and met up with Natalie and Warren. 

Eating lunch was funny, the girl at new york fries had the worst job of life, couldn't open a new roll of penny's because it was covered in tape, she had a moustache and didn't speak much english.

Shitty....

Then we went to ally's friend alex's apartment and she got a few records and a sweater off him. He seemed a little down in the dumps, but apparently just lost a job....I know how that feels completely.

After that, we finally head to the orientation, It's a really, really cool festival and i'm actually so stoked to be volunteering.

I'm just iffy about how i'm going to get there without a job. 

Hopefully i'll work something out and maybe can stay at aunt marnie's for a day, That'd be nice I haven't done that in years.

On our way home, we stopped at tanners. 

It was really fun and i hadn't seen him in months ! 

Off to my appt. 

Catch ya later, Alligator.

this is me caring.

First of all, why can't i have style like her.

Secondly, why does every fucking thing get handed to him and he never, ever feels bad about it.

Thirdly, why do i still fucking care. 

So, the deal is, i break up with you and you move away and you STILL insist on hanging with my friends.

Fuck off please ?! You actually don't deserve to be fucking happy you lieing sack of fucking shit.

How was i ever friends with you, or how did i ever think i could date you and be happy. I fucking hated you for so long.

(It's thundering and lightning outside. ugh) I gave you everything, and you repay me by....oh, cheating on me.

That's so nice of you.

But you know, karma is a bitch and you'll get what you deserve soon enough.

Enough of that, I applied at Nicholby's yesterday at gateway. 

Maybe they'll be nice enough to hire me and bring me out of this debt hole i've crawled into and can't seem to find my way out of.

Ally, Dayn and I and maybe Paul, are going to Toronto today. Hopefully i get to see allie, so we can chat. 

She always gives the best advice and is THE best listener on the face of this planet.

I wish it'd stop raining out so my hair won't go curly today.. Fuck.

It's 9:32 and I need to shower. 

Hopefully today will be fun :D

I went there today. I got scared and left.

Should i be more scared for him ? 

I wish i could help him with life. But it seems like he wants no help.

It seem's like he like's it there. Just like in jail...he said it was a good experience.

At least he's positive...right ?

I still feel like it's my fault, like i made him that way, that i created his monster for him.

I guess i should look at this positively, at least he's somewhat safe.

Watching shows on tv about celebrity skinniness is really awkward, really....we actually don't give a fuck about these stupid people.

Last night was good though, it was pretty funny. silly gooses.

I have harvey's and i'm excited to eat it.

See ya on the flip siiide.

i'm now titling my posts.

Last night, was a ridiculous, fun-filled night, with drunken slurs, a lot of driving, a lot of cigarettes, meeting new people, and fun, as i said.

Dayn had a drink-off with my mom, she won.

Matt jessome has a new wifey.

I still don't have a boyfriend and am still bummed out by last week's events.

Niagara falls seemed a little more crowded due to the nice weather, which i'm excited about.

Dayn's new girly is the best person alive, as is matt's. I love them both to pieces.

Dayn and i strolled home at 2:30, only to find my dad, munchin out on wheatabix, playing with army men. 

He was chewed....haha oh dad.

This weekend was really good, I met a lot of people, experienced some awesome new things and again, was DD....

Time flies when your havin fun. (Y).